Loving Star Prints + Some Thoughts on Motherhood

Sweatshirt - Alternative | Joggers - Free People (old but similar here and here) | Hat - Topshop | Stroller - Uppababy | Sneakers - Golden Goose (similar here and here) | Miles Outfit - GAP

I never thought of myself as a sneakers gal, much less someone that would wear joggers but I've slowly warmed to the athleisure look over the past few years. Obviously my lifestyle and job are different than they were many years ago which is a big factor, but I also love finding comfortable pieces that don't look frumpy. I've said before that Golden Goose are some of my favorite non-athletic sneakers (see them styled here, here and here) and I love the downtown cool-girl vibe they give an outfit. This outfit was insanely comfortable for when Stan and I took a stroll with Miles, but I still felt cute, pulled together and like myself. 

Still feeling like myself has been one of the important things for me these past two months since having Miles, and even before while I was pregnant. I thought today I would share some thoughts and musings on my first few months of motherhood. 

1. Postpartum hormone fluctuations have really kicked my butt mentally. I was prepared for them, so I never wonder "what is happening to me" or "why am I feeling this way", but it's still like a hurricane somedays that I just try to sit and wait out. Thankfully it's not all day, every day that I have the anxiety, mood swings or feelings like I am drowning in the overwhelming magnitude of it all but it doesn't make it any less difficult to manage. Owning the moment and my feelings have helped me greatly. I say to myself "this is a postpartum mood swing and not who I am" which helps me separate from it and not make it my identity.

2. Some days I am going to win, and some days I am going to feel like I'm losing at everything. Miles can have a good day and I feel like I won the Olympics. Then when I can't figure out what's wrong with him or can't seem to manage it, I feel like my world is collapsing. Once again, that is the postpartum imbalance causing me to make a mountain out of a mole hill but nonetheless it's frustrating and upsetting.

3. I am going to ask for (and accept) help any way I can get it. I have my mom and Stan both here with me so I regularly tag them in when I need a moment, break or want to do something for myself. I quickly learned that doing it all (I call it "being a martyr") only makes me exhausted, resentful, angry and an emotional mess which ultimately is not what Miles needs. He needs me at my best (or semi-best) and there is nothing wrong with someone else helping me out. 

4. Balance is hard. Yup, I still have not mastered how to balance work, me time, taking care of Miles, etc and that's what stresses me out the most. I always feel I'm missing something (work or personal) but each day that passes I have more of an acceptance that this is what life is (kids or not). Early on my mom, Stan and I decided that I when I was working on my blog I would put Miles in "daycare" (AKA with my mom). Me trying to work while he napped or taking breaks here and there to play with him is too hard right now. I need to focus on one or the other and that ultimately helps me be more present with the situation at hand (whether that be work or family time).

5. I thought I would compare myself more to other moms or what I think a mom should be doing, but for the most part I don't. I like to educate myself and take in information seeing if something could work for me or Miles, but I really don't give a hoot at the end of the day what others are doing. I believe in accepting other moms (frankly other women) for who they are and what they choose to do because everyone's lifestyle is different (as long as it is ultimately safe and law abiding LOL). There are sooooo many unique family dynamics out there, schedules that are erratic because of one's career, money burdens that dictate certain choices, health issues that may not be visible but need a certain type of lifestyle/schedule - the possibilities are endless of how people can choose and need to live. So therefore, I do what works for us/me and that's that. And that truly has been such a freeing feeling.

6. I will go to the ends of the earth for Miles until my last breath, but that doesn't mean I neglect myself. I want Miles to always value himself and take pride in who he is, but that starts with me showing him that myself. Whether it's my health, my appearance, my career - whatever it is that fulfills me and makes me feel confident, I know that will translate in how I care for and relate to him as he grows up.

7. Most of my friends will tell you that I was never much of a kid person. I didn't run to hold someone's new baby (I was afraid of spit up, yuck LOL), never knew how to talk to them (I would have full conversations with a 6 mo. old as if they understood me, and talk real slow and cutesy to a 5 year old #noidea) and was just not that interested. I knew I always wanted my own children, but until then I was happy to watch from afar with other people's kids. And just like with Elmo (I love dogs, but don't always care to pet every single one I come across), I knew things would be different with my own. I adore Miles, find all his silly nuances fascinating and think he is the cutest thing. But I do giggle to myself every time I go crazy over the smallest things he does because it reminds me of how far I've come. 

8. I STILL do not believe everything I see on social media, especially when it comes to being a mom. Even before I began blogging, I was able to appreciate social media for what it is - a highlight reel. I think that mindset comes from experiencing hard things in my personal life and still being able to go to school, work or hang out with friends and never have them know what was going on behind closed doors. Obviously I would share with close friends, but I was not airing my dirty laundry to every person in the office or every person at school. And frankly, I had things to get done, bosses to impress, goals to meet and ultimately bills to pay so I couldn't let my personal life spill over. I have always assumed that others did the same thing and what I see when they are "on" at work/school/events/social media is never the full story, just like it isn't with me. As a result, social media is enjoyable to me rather than a place to feel inadequate and that has really been helpful as a new mom.

I'm learning more each day and will as the years go on. For now, I am doing my best to take each day as it comes, not be too hard on myself and have some fun along the way.

Let's finish off the post with a few more fun star print pieces that caught my eye: